5am. I woke up pretty tired this morning. Not unbearably tired, but enough to make me bury my head in the pillow and hit the snooze button for an extra 15 minutes or so. Living in an old Connecticut-house-turned-apartment (with crappy insulation that fails to keep out the frigid New England air), averaging maybe 5-6 hours of sleep a night, and reaching the middle of week 2 of “serious training” hit me with a crashing wave of urges to just stay hidden under the warmth of my comforter. If only I had the luxury of pushing back my workout an hour or even just another 30 minutes. This is the torturous but great thing about having a training partner. We’re in it for each other as much as in it for ourselves. I’m not only obligated to myself to get up and get this workout in (before heading to a demanding full-time job I might add…balancing that and rowing is beginning to take its toll…more on that later), but I have an obligation to him to show up on time, ready to work. It is very much a mutual responsibility; the relationship truly illustrates the strength in having a partner or “team” to rely on as well as the value in having someone rely on you. We keep each other in check and although we’re not competing against one another, we can most certainly push each other by simply being present; a witness to one’s journey and hard work. Being accountable to someone other than yourself, you will place higher standards on the performance or work put into whatever it is you’re doing.

There is this indescribable feeling of triumph and sense of pure achievement after pushing past the shadows of doubt that can creep up on you in any form; defeating those demons that tell you to “stay in bed” or that try to convince you that you’ve “already worked hard enough and deserve the day off” or that maybe you “just don’t have the time right now.” You know what I’m talking about-we play these games in our heads in almost all types of situations. They are the manifestations of fatigue, weakness and fear. You can never get rid of them completely, but each battle won makes you that much stronger.

I felt like a million dollars after finishing my 80 minute workout (10-20-40-10). I legit skipped out to my car-still freezing as the cold New England wind whipped around the corner of the building. As my training has gotten progressively tougher and I’m pushing myself harder compared to anything else I’ve done in the past, my favorite moment has become the time I have to myself in the car after a solid workout, fighting traffic back home to shower and change quickly so that I can rush into work. This short but valuable time is when my mind decompresses and I pat myself on the back. Another day in the books. I relive the battle and how I will do it better tomorrow. This is also when the “big dreams” float around in my head of winning the next big race, going sub 22:00 in my next 6K Test….to eventually making the U.S. Women’s National Team. Each day counts and had I not pulled myself out of bed and pushed hard to make sure I had a successful workout, I would’ve felt pretty crappy and been hard on myself throughout the rest of the day. Instead, I walked out of the boathouse excited to take on the next challenge and high off the endorphins pumping through my veins. Many, many days and weeks will come where I’ll probably feel that the last thing I want to do is go crush an 80-100 minute piece on the erg, but that promise of accomplishment, adrenaline, and sense of completion is enough to keep you coming back for more.

Rowing is not for the faint of heart or faint of mind and body, but it is definitely for the adrenaline and “feel-good” junkie.

Yesterday was a BIG day. I think I was hopped up on adrenaline for 12 hours straight. Paying for it dearly today as the adrenaline has seeped out of my body leaving that achy residue of exhaustion, but the hangover is worth the party.

My training partner Brian, and his wife Pam train out of the GMS Rowing Center in New Milford, CT and had invited me to try it out. Brian had spoken with the head coach/trainer Guenther (better known as “GMan”), and gotten me the “in” to come down for a training weekend and 6K Test. GMan works primarily with lightweight men and women and several U23 National Team rowers. Several of his rowers have competed internationally and been members of the U.S. National Team. I’m considered an openweight woman but I knew I needed an elite group of athletes to train with and learn from. Perhaps if I had been rowing for years, I could continue to do the independent thing, but I need a legit program and coach to take me to the next level. This was the best option.

I rocked the 6K Test. Absolutely killed it. And I generally don’t say that about any personal performance but it was one of those moments where you are literally jumping out of your skin because you know you just kicked some ass. And the ass you kicked was your own. A week ago I had put up a 22:49 (minutes) which was a personal best; 4 seconds better than the 22:53 I had submitted for the USRowing ID Camp in early November. My goal going into yesterday’s test had been to at least keep it around 22:50. I had put in some serious mileage all week-no doubt my body was tired-and I was feeling a little sick toward the end of the week so wasn’t sure what kind of number I may pull. 3,000 meters into the test I knew I was golden. I was feeling strong and solid and holding a great split, on par to finish below my 22:50 goal. When I finished (in pain), and saw the 22:32 on the screen, it took all of me not to jump off the erg and run over to give Brian (my training partner) a huge hug and high-five. I mouthed the time to Pam across the room which was received by a lipped “oh my god” and thumbs up. I was ecstatic. A solid 17 seconds shaved off my standing personal best was serious improvement, and the best part of it all was that I knew I wasn’t even close to being in a “well-trained” condition. To put it into perspective, as my training partner so eloquently stated: “Get under 22:00 and you’re really in the mix with the folks who are currently making teams (National Team)… under 21:30 and you are physiologically playing in the deep end of the pool which is uber cool.”

I’m ready to dive in head first. Next goal = sub 22:00.

It’s been just over a month since I took the nervous drive from West Hartford, Connecticut south to Princeton, New Jersey to attend the USRowing Identification Camp held in November. That weekend was a pivotal moment in this rowing journey I’ve embarked upon.

I was the oldest out of the 40-45 attendees (many of whom were still rowing for collegiate programs such as Yale, Radcliffe, Princeton, and ironically my alma mater Virginia). Being the only one who had not rowed in college, I felt like the new kid in class all over again. Surely I would pick up the wrong oar, trip and go head first into the water or something embarrassing of that nature. My goal going into the camp was to make it out of the testing round and be seated in a boat; and even that was being a little ambitious. After a few grueling set of physical tests on the erg (“ergometer”= rowing machine), 16 women were selected to take two racing shells out on Carnegie Lake and go through various drills while being observed and coached by the National Team coaches. Waiting for the lineups seemed like an eternity but seeing “OLeary” scribbled in the seat 4 position was worth the agony of the 2K test I had pulled a couple of weeks before. In that moment, I felt that I had arrived and could actually call myself a “rower.”

That was November 14th and I’ve been busting my ass ever since. Over the last month, I’ve managed to find a phenomenal training partner who has become my Yoda of all things rowing. Smart and talented he is. Brian is a lightweight on the Men’s National Team, so brings a breadth of knowledge and expertise. Putting in 60-100 minutes of cardio every morning has become routine. Follow that up with at least another 60-80 minutes of cardio and/or a lift in the afternoon; it’s as if I’m back in college preseason with 2-a-days, ice baths, and always being hungry…my stomach has become a bottomless pit.

This morning was 100 minutes..2×50, 50 minutes on the erg, 50 minutes on the spin bike followed by another 60 minutes on the erg tonight. And that’s a “light” workout. As painful or even boring those long erg sets can be, it’s an unbelievably satisfying feeling after logging over 30,000 meters in a day and knowing you’ll wake up and do it all over again. Like I said, I’m absolutely addicted or just a self-proclaimed masochist. Perhaps a little of both.